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Monday, February 28, 2022

Bleed

Episode Two Hundred Eighty Two: Bleed.
In which we cut and run.

1 comment:

  1. The Bridge, 2011 ("Bron/Broen" ... the Swedish/Danish production). Interesting because of the main character's evocation of a functioning Autistic adult. Actor Sophia Helin is the Art character in the final frame, that quote from the show. In the context here, I had realized I would never catch the person I was chasing. I was living a fool's errand.

    This was published during my final days at the FQHC that I had left, and then returned on a six month contract. My experience there was very conflicted, and coming to understand that my frustration would never end (ND itself played a role on all sides, I believe) was itself heartbreaking. Making matters worse, not one person spoke about my leaving, save my supervisor in private, who was asking that I reconsider leaving.

    But that organization, as I've complained about again and again, has a crippling management dysfunction, and suffers from a massive employee retention problem. In the month preceding this strip, one long term and loyal employee left, and it went unmentioned until this week, at which it was casually mentioned in a meeting. "They've moved on," the CEO pointlessly announced, telling us something we all knew. "At least they sent a very nice goodbye note to everyone," noted the CFO.

    As someone who needlessly internalizes situations, this struck me as a pointed note. When I left the following week, I did not send an all-staff note, expressing gratitude, as there were few folk in that organization for whom I wished well. Succeeding in that organization required a pretense that I was not prepared to muster, even in a final goodbye.

    So, that became words for the lips of Squidman. Hanging onto my anger in a way that comes across as rude and ungrateful.

    I don't recall at this point where the second frame idea came from. I think it was a general sentiment, as I was trying to find solace in my idea to leave the comfort of a paycheck. But I'm not sure. At any rate, it's a recurring concept that I can't quite get my head around: the binary state of separation from the world, and the cognitive dissonance necessary in order to simply get on with one's day. I'm half remembering a film or video or podcast. (It's probably a Radiolab, 'The Wordless Place', which aired Feb 18.) The premise was a neurologist's (?) psychiatrist's (?) hypothesis that the process of naming is a function with the purpose of dispelling fear. It's an untruth - creating a shortcut to a thing by means of a name - but it's a necessary untruth.

    And the Pharm Life frame? The pill is walking away, down the road. Not to return.

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